Today is my first day of being alone as a stay at home Mum.
Not that I haven’t been at home before, but this is different. I used to have babies at home, but my youngest is now 4. I used to have a husband that worked funny hours, which meant he was home at lunch time.
Now, I have a husband with a nice, normal 9-5 job, two kids at school and one in preschool. I have a puppy for company, a very tidy house and days, weeks and months ahead of me with time to myself to fill in a new town.
It brings me to a somewhat existential crisis. Who am I? What am I going to do with my life? What am I going to do with my career? How can I fit it all in around the family, and do what is best for everybody? Some days, there will be lots of time, and I was reminded this weekend that other times there won’t. Three kids is a lot of sick days. And holidays. So how do you work around this in a fulfilling manner? Take a good job and make it work? Or take a lesser job to gain flexibility? Did I go really go to uni and establish a broadcasting career to do data entry? And is there anything wrong with that?
I sure as eggs won’t be the first or last person to have this internal dialogue. However, I can’t see any road maps pointing me in the right direction.
I have been accepted to a midwifery course starting next year. Thing is, it’s 45 weeks a year, 40 hours a week with assignments and call outs on top. It would require afterschool care for the kids 5 days a week and no sick days. Then the questions start again. Is it achievable? Is it fair? Is it right? Is the cost on the happiness of the kids outweighed by the benefit to myself, my career, job security, general life satisfaction? Is it? School holidays, which seem to be every fortnight or so, are just around the corner. What would happen then?
It was never meant to be easy! I might just have to replace the wine with coffee and take my inspiration from Marge.